2023 & Me

There was so much reflection to be done in the final days of 2023. The past 12 months have been full of learning, healing, travel, forgiveness, curiosity, and self discovery. I’ve been feeling so grateful for the experiences I’ve had, and so hopeful for what’s to come.

At the beginning of this year I made my first vision board. I’ve never been the type of person to make long term goals due to my ever changing mind and habit of not following through. I decided to fill it with things I already knew were going to happen, and things I wanted to make happen. It helped to group them in the same category, it made everything seem reachable. I also made my goals very broad at first. Which helped me recognize the more specific things I wanted to accomplish. One of those being making it my biggest travel year yet!

I made it my goal to travel once a month even if it was just a small getaway. I became obsessed with having something to look forward to, which is what originally sparked the idea. It then turned into making sure I’m not taking life too seriously. Some of these vacations were bigger than others of course. It ranged from my first time in Europe, to my 10th time in Las Vegas. With Hawaii, California, Arizona, Honduras, Michigan, and Mexico in between.

One thing about me, is that I’ve developed the mindset in which everything works out in my favor. Call it manifestation, prayer, revelation, but I’m telling you…. It works! I can’t find a reason why whatever higher power exists would want me to fail. I promise it really is just as simple as believing you can do what you desire. Obviously I’ve had opportunities and help from others to make some of it possible, and I am extremely grateful. Grateful for financial help, for places I’ve been brought to, and for a job that allows me to make these things happen. I guess working 3-4 jobs pays off sometimes!

Speaking of work, I became kind of a busy bee this year. Turns out, I actually enjoy always having something to do. As soon as one of my jobs fell through, I was immediately looking for something to replace it. Only recently have I decided that I could use the extra free time to do things that I enjoy. Like writing this! I’ve been trying to fill my free time with hobbies that fulfill me. This year has been filled with so much creative energy and I’m not planning on stopping that flow!

Clarity has been a big theme for me over the past 12 months. I’ve gained clarity on spiritual beliefs, on who I want to be, how I want to show up, who I want to surround myself with, and how I want to spend my time. It hasn’t been easy, but over time It’s become clear to me who and what I should be putting my energy towards. I’ve started to pay attention to how certain people make me feel when I’m around them. It was a hard lesson to learn that sometimes the people you love most don’t reciprocate the same effort you give to that relationship. It became very draining to keep putting energy into something that wasn’t satisfying me. Not only was it not satisfying, it was making me question if I was someone people wanted to be around. I’ve recognized these relationships and how to manage them specific to each person. That way, it feels like i’m in control of the situation and it lessens the chances of being disappointed by unrealistic expectations.

On the other hand, I internally strengthened my frequencies to attract just the right people! I started making things happen, planning things with friends who follow through, and stepping away from trying to please everyone.

It seems like common sense to only surround yourself with people who respect you, but I found myself trying to force these friendships and create something out of nothing. It takes two to create a long lasting relationship!

Something more personal that I’ve also found clarity in is my belief system. To be honest, I was never expecting to come to an “answer” that made sense to me nor was I even looking for one.  It just kind of showed up right when I needed it and since then, I’ve noticed a change in my quality of life. For me, it cleared up confusion and anxiety I’ve had about the future. Maybe one day I’ll go into detail, but it’s all very new to me still.

Forgiveness has been a learned thing for me this year. I know I’ve talked about this before, so I’ll make this quick. It’s easy to forgive the people you love, it’s rewarding to forgive the people who make it a little bit harder. Since I last mentioned this, I’ve continued to let go of grudges when past feelings arise. I’ve noticed my relationships strengthening and becoming easier, while I’m becoming a better version of myself each time. This is definitely something I will continue to practice and remind myself of moving forward.

Reflecting like this, personally and publicly, feels so refreshing. It feels like my subconscious is guiding the intention behind this entry. Reviewing the things I’ve gone through, stuff I’ve learned, and the skills I’ve developed, has reminded me that everything is a continued practice. Getting into my resolutions, I have to keep in mind that I need to constantly and consciously keep up everything mentioned above.

My resolutions seem to get more specific each year, and I usually only make them knowing it won’t be hard to conquer. This year I plan to dream big, and I intend to follow through.

The first theme I see for myself this year is making things happen. My brain is constantly working overtime thinking of business ideas, projects, inventions, and ways to better mine or other peoples quality of life. The next step for me is implementing these ideas and making space for them to show up in reality.

This kind of goes against the popular belief that the New Year shouldn’t be your excuse to start. Start working out, start working towards your goals, start taking care of yourself, or start a new hobby. It all seems too official, like there is too much pressure. Sometimes trying to operate on such a definitive time line can lead to discouragement. I’ve definitely been a victim of such. I’m a planner, but somehow even the planning process stresses me out! I have this bad habit of trying to figure out every little step before I even think about starting something. I never knew how much the fear of embarrassment or failure would stop me from doing what I want. In my brain, thinking ahead limits room for error.

Ultimately, there will always be flaws, there will always be mistakes, good things, bad things, things missed or forgotten. All of these things are inevitable whether you start now or later, so why not do it now?? Start now, start on a Monday, start on the first of the month, start in the New Year, start whenever it feels right, just start. That is the first step, and that is my first resolution for 2024.

I heard a phrase recently that really resonated with my goals. “Create more than consume”. I’ve definitely fallen victim to everyday social media and entertainment use and I’ve done some little things here and there to try and limit my screen time. I intend to replace these repeated habits of checking my phone with a different activity depending on where I am and what’s available to me.

I often use the excuse that certain apps spark creativity and inspiration. Sometimes, they really do, but most of the time I’m overwhelmed with how much people are doing and how creative everyone else is compared to me. Comparison is poison to creators. It deteriorates ideas and tricks you into thinking yours aren’t good enough.  Replacing the intake of unhealthy entertainment with the output of imagination will change your life! Sometimes I’ll try to store all of these ideas in my head until I’m “ready” to do something about them (you’ll never actually be ready, you just have to start hehe) but the longer you wait, the more you’ll forget. It’s important to be able to drain ideas from the brain and give them physical form.

To contradict everything I said about consuming, I do want to make it a goal for me to read two books a month. I want to redirect the energy I put into mindless consumption to informative content. (Aside from the books I read for pleasure).

On the creative side of things, my main focus is to do things out of passion. As much as I want to make a career out of everything I love to do, I know some things are just made for pure enjoyment. I want to be careful not to grow tired of my hobbies or turn them into a stressful way to pass time.

Just recently one of my close friends and I decided to do a photoshoot to get out of our creative funks. The activity ended up being so beneficial to us in different ways. We were able to help each other with our blocks in creativity and remind ourselves that it was never that serious. At different times throughout the project, we accidentally forgot the reason we wanted to do it in the first place. We got lost in the idea that things had to be done a certain way, or it wasn’t going to be good enough. It became more about what other people were going to think of it, when it should have just been as simple as “We love to create, and we created this.”

That situation really inspired me to take a step back when an enjoyable thing becomes draining, and remember why you started. It also reminded me that I’m not always going to have great ideas, and I don’t have to force them. Losing our focus helped us keep each other in check. Good friends teach great lessons. Not only did we complete our project, we were able to make it everything we wanted it to be after letting go of the idea of perfection. A win-win! Passion is key.

Something that has become a bit of a burden in my everyday life is that I’m always rushing to the next part of my day. I’m driving as fast as I can on the freeway just to have a few more minutes to rest before my second job, I make dinner so quickly that I’ve forgotten that I used to do it for fun, I’m giving time permission to run faster because it’s the most comfortable uncomfortable repeated behavior of mine. I don’t thrive on being rushed, but I continue to put myself into the mindset that I have to be somewhere or finish something on a deadline that doesn’t exist!

The truth is, I’m not really sure what the first step is when it comes to slowing down. That’s something I’ll figure out as I go. Something that will take practice and patience. I preach patience to many people around me when it’s something I haven’t even mastered myself. It feels exciting to admit I haven’t found the answers to this yet, but you’ll be the first to know when I do.

Publicly announcing my goals and aspirations gives me something to hold me accountable. I want everyone (who cares) to feel like they are either on the journey with me, or silently cheering me on. Everyone has things they are working towards whether they are announced or not, and it’s so special and unique to each person. I don’t feel embarrassed that my goals are smaller than others at my age, I don’t feel like I’m falling behind, and I don’t care that reading two books a month sounds like an easy accomplishment to some people.

The path I came from is just as exciting as the one I’m about to endure. 2023 and me get along really well, I’m so happy we met.

Cheers to everything we’ve been and everything we will become. 🥂