21 years

Wow, it seems like just yesterday I was 24 in Arizona… ;) The rush of seeing what places I’d get into on a Friday night is officially gone. So bittersweet.

After teasing the line of my 20’s for so long, I thought it’d be a little underwhelming when the numbers started rising, but boy was I wrong.

I feel like I’ve finally become aware that my age is counting up….. ??? Who would have thought? Yes, I know I’m still young, but what a scary thought to think I’ll never be younger? It’s safe to assume everyone has this realization, no matter what age we’re turning. The last time I felt like this, I was 12 years old. I remember looking back at pictures of my younger self, in old neighborhoods, doing kid-like activities, and seeing a simpler life. Little did 12 year old me know, she was STILL going through childhood, she was STILL young, and she was so scared to get older without thinking about how she will never be 12 again.

Oh to BE 12 again…..

But oh, to be 21!! I’m now old enough to understand that I’m still young! This phase of my life is so exciting. I’ve never felt more creative, wise, adventurous, or in tune with myself. I'm constantly coming up with ideas, filling my days with projects, and starting new hobbies.

Speaking of hobbies, my favorite thing I’ve learned so far in my 21st year is that you don’t have to be good at them! Hearing those words has given me so much freedom and reassurance that I can actually just do whatever makes me happy, even if the dress I made has uneven sewing lines, or I overcooked my cinnamon rolls, or failed at recreating a Pinterest painting. Hobbies are supposed to bring you joy and spark creativity. It’s safe to say I’ll probably get better at these things as long as I keep enjoying them.

I love being 21. I love being a girl, and doing girly 21 year old things.

I enjoy blasting my Lana Del Rey vinyl in my dimly lit room with a glass of wine and a mind full of thoughts to write down. I’m loving the way I look without mascara, and how I always go for a monochromatic look when picking out an outfit. I look forward to morning debriefs with my college roommates and listening to Taylor Swift on our way to get coffee. I don’t mind that most of my friends are my moms and that I attend our book club every month. I watch Parenthood when I need a good cry, I organize when I’m bored, and I spend time with my friends as much I can because there’s nothing better than being with the girls who GET what it’s like to be 21. It’s exciting, it’s scary, and it’s so beyond fun. I can’t wait to meet the new normals I’ll have with every age.

Some things never change, which is something else I’m grateful for. I will always love planning photo shoots with my sister, and she will always be my best friend. I’ll never stop watching Disney movies when I stay home sick from work, or say no to a game night with my family. I’ll always love singing in the car, and trying new hairstyles. I’ll probably never like tomatoes but I’ll also never stop forcing myself to eat them. I’m always going to choose to believe in aliens, and mermaids, and magic because life is more interesting that way. Being 21 and getting older, doesn’t have to change your whole identity, and it definitely doesn’t have to mean steering away from your inner child. Let her shine through!!

My main focus right now is to face the bad, and accept hard times as they show up in my life. I want to stand up to my worries, fears, mistakes, and become stronger. The truth is, it’s actually a beautiful thing to realize we are here on earth and ABLE to live through these things.

I’ve decided to just be grateful for the human experience. My hardships make me human, my emotions make me human, and experiencing life day after day, makes me human! I’ve started to find beauty in my hard times, because living is so special. I’m lucky to be able to feel all of my emotions, to speak, to write, to share. To cry to sad songs or strangers in the girls bathroom, to blush when I’m flustered, to have the lyrics to a song I started singing finished by my best friend, to argue about things I’m passionate about, to scream out loud with excitement because I just can’t hold it in, to care so much for another that I start to feel FOR them, and to feel so much gratitude for the good and the bad, that all I can do is be happy that I’m here.

This is all part of my master plan. Romanticizing my life so it can never be bad!! Switching to this mindset has made it so I finally like spending time alone, I accept my feelings rather than be embarrassed of them, and I trick myself into thinking I’m never too busy! Time is on my side. I have about 4 business ideas that I plan to peruse. I work 3 jobs, get enough sleep, cook my own meals, and somehow still make time for the people I love. I’m creating the life I want to live, by accepting the stage I’m at and doing what I can, while I can.

There are people who don’t get to experience life the way I get to, let alone put these experiences into words. But 21 (and a month, because I’m a procrastinator) year old Bailey, can!! She’s still navigating a few things, but so far, she’s got it down.

I look up to the old versions of myself sometimes. I admire how careless and outgoing I used to be, how easy it was for me to make friends, how I loved to show off my talents because I was so confident in them. The good news is, the older I get, the more I get to know myself, come back to myself, and love myself. It’s a full circle moment! These things are still me, and I’m reconnecting with them every day.

So from now on, every time I find myself being consumed by nostalgia, I’ll remind myself:

Younger Bailey couldn’t share her thoughts like she can now, younger Bailey didn’t get to see life through present Baileys eyes, and younger Bailey didn’t know that she could just CHOOSE to be happy, and CHOOSE to not let tough times swallow her. So actually, being 21 isn’t that bad, and older Bailey will thank me later for realizing it now.

So, I guess I have no choice but to watch all the unsolicited advice from random girls on TikTok: “Things I wish I knew in my 20’s”. I used to roll my eyes but I now see the appeal in wanting to share every little piece of advice.

I could go on and on about all the universal and oddly specific experiences us girls have, and my unique adventures, but all you really need to know is,

There is no place I’d rather be than in a 21 year old girls body, living a 21 year old girls life, with 21 years of experience behind her, and an eternity in front. Cheers to me!