phases

I have outgrown many things over the years. People, that I never thought I would have to live without, places, that hold a special place in my heart, feelings, that I never thought I would be able to get over. But I have, and I keep doing it over and over again.

I have gone from friend group to friend group all growing up, boy to boy, house to house, so you’d think I would be used to letting go, saying goodbye, and moving on quickly. It never was easy though. That’s why it makes me sad that it’s become such a regular thing in my life. It used to be absolute devastation when my best friend in elementary school didn’t want to be friends anymore, then my best friend in middle school, then high school, and STILL in college, and now it almost feels… expected.

I’ve come to realize that sometimes people just aren’t meant to stay. And that’s okay. I’ve learned that people are supposed to come into your life for a reason, whether that be to save you, to teach you a lesson, to open your eyes, or to stay. That’s what I believe at least, because all of these people have been in my life.

For someone who gets attached to people very easily, I have slowly been learning that its okay to let go and trust the process. I used to beg people to stick around because I didn’t want to bare losing them. I will never do that again. I will never ask someone to stay in my life for the sake of me. The only people I need in my life, are the ones who want to be in it, I don’t have time for the rest.

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Okay… sooooo I literally wrote that yesterday and I’m currently CRYING about people I’ve lost Bahahaha how embarrassing. So, in REALITY, it is still very hard for me even though every day, I simply try to brush it off. The truth is, it will always come as a surprise when someone leaves and most of the time, it probably won’t be easy, at least for me.

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I am so grateful for every single person that has walked into my life. I’ve had friends that have shown me true friendship, and ones who have shown me who to stay away from. I’ve had boyfriends and flings that have taught me what I deserve. I’ve had people who showed me what bad habits do to you, that hard work pays off, that life is full of adventure, that dreams are never out of reach, and that open my eyes to so much more.

Each past relationship with these people has ended or faded differently. Some, not ideal, but I am still so happy I met them. No matter what happened, I still have a special place in my heart for them and hope that life treats them well. Because they were such a key component in who I am today.

WARNING: failed attempt

One thing I have tried to do lately to make myself feel “better” about losing people, is trying to remake memories I had with them, with other people. I’ve always had this problem of association. I’ll associate a place or restaurant or area with the person I made memories with, and after they are gone, those places are hard to go to or be around.

!! BUT REMAKING MEMORIES IS NOT THE ANSWER !!

Those memories are MEANT to be had with those people, you shouldn’t want to erase them even if it’s a little harder to look back and be happy about them right now. You don’t want to have the same relationship with every person you meet, otherwise it isn’t special.

Now here’s a weird concept.

Ever heard of crying about someone because you ARE over them? You’d think it sounds a little backwards because wouldn’t you be happy to finally move on? That’s what I thought until about 2 weeks ago when I found myself crying because I accepted that this person isn’t going to be in my life, and I am finally okay with that.

What made me sad is thinking back to when I couldn’t get out of bed or go a day without thinking about them, or when I was so quick to go back to them the second I saw hope in the relationship. It makes me sad to think that I was so upset over someone that probably never even felt as hurt as I did.

(Special shoutout to Olivia Rodrigo for creating “good 4 u” so I could finally express these feelings through screaming it out the car window.)

My point is, I cried thinking about those times because I realized I wasted so much time being upset over someone, that I didn’t get to enjoy a lot of things happening in that time of life. And when you look back, you will regret being so distraught about losing someone who was so okay with losing you.

Now, this person isn’t in my life anymore, and it is healthy to have emotions like I did, but its so important to realize that what is meant to stay, will stay. So let people come and go as they please.

One of my FAVORITE things I have come to realize lately is that:

As you grow into your personality more, you start to realize you take things you like from others around you and adopt them. So, you are just a combination of everything you love about other people, and I LOVE that.

I mean think about it.

You meet someone who is so happily themselves and doesn’t care what anyone else thinks about them… Now you do the same.

You meet someone who sets goals for themselves, plans things, and makes them happen…. Now you give it a try.

You meet someone who sticks up for themselves and makes themselves a priority…BAM. Adopted.

Now, its not always that deep, its things like remembering a funny joke your dad told you so you can tell it to someone else, its lifting your feet up when you drive over train tracks because your best friend told you to, its picking up every little thing your older sister does because you want to be just like her someday.

You wouldn’t be who you are without every single person who has walked into your life! That’s why I’m choosing to show gratitude rather than hold a grudge on people who are no longer a part of it.

So to everyone reading this who...

Has been in my life at one point or another:

I am SO happy I met you. Thank you for being a part of who I am. It probably doesn’t seem like it, but you have impacted me in one way or another and I am so grateful for that! I hope all is well even if we don’t talk :)

Are still in my life:

First of all, thanks for being here HAHA. I hope everyone is here to stay but obviously sometimes that isn’t the case. But no matter what happens, I am still so happy to have met and made memories with you.

Are yet to be a part of it:

(Which is probably unlikely if you are reading this) but anyway,

Who knows! We might be best friends someday! Or enemies…. But regardless it’s a part of the process so I am looking forward to it.

Moral of the story, there are so many phases you will go through that will consist of many different people. Just know that it is natural for relationships to fade. And sometimes they do so new ones can form! Each person you meet is helping you grow in some way shape or form even if you don’t recognize it. So keep on doing you, and the right people will stay.